What's this life for?

[Mair]

Oh the last week has been absolutely almost intolerable in my life. I feel absolutely hopeless. I keep asking God what in the world He has put me here for. The absolute only thing I do is go to work and then be at home. On Sundays I go to church. That is absolutely it. I have NO friends outside of work and even here Madd and Lori are my only friends and I absolutely ONLY see them here at work. My social life...well WHAT social life?
So I've been SO depressed the last 7 days and then I got a bomb dropped on me on Friday that made it even worse when I thought it couldn't get worse. Not that I don't want you to know, I just don't feel like going into detail telling what happened. Just that my job sucks and it continues to suck even more everyday.
So, I had a 3 day weekend which I enjoyed tremendously. Now, I have a cousin who I grew up with. We have been like sisters who like each other rather than cousins. We spent the night at my grandparents house almost every Friday night and there were a LOT of summer nights that I spent the night at her house.
So now we're adults. Our friendship followed us to adult hood, but it seemed to die when she got married (9 months before I got married). I would call her...she wouldn't call me back. She never called me and we never saw each other outside of family functions. The final straw was when she invited me to her house for Super Bowl Sunday in 2003 and she 100% ignored me the ENTIRE time. I was SO hurt. She had another friend over who she paid complete attention to. So I didn't talk to her again until October when she called me to tell me that she was going in the next day to be induced (to have her baby, obviously) and I confronted her about my hurt that she has completely thrown me by the wayside since she's been married. I gave her specific examples and she promised to change. Almost 4 years later, NOTHING has changed. But I haven't quit trying to befriend her. I still call her. I've babysat her kids. I still invite her out or what have you. And yes...she calls me on ocassion. ONLY when she needs something. Whether it be a babysitter or to borrow something or she needs information.
So, I've just decided to write her off and quit trying. I can only be hurt so much. So, Sunday she practically ran across the church building to come give me a hug. She said "I just want you to know I love you." I just said thanks. So, she started talking to me and told me she moved a week ago. I told her I knew that, but not because she bothered to tell me. I told her I didn't appreciate her not telling me anything. She used the excuse "I just don't know when you work." That never stops her when she needs something. I held my tongue, though.
Moving on...she asked when I will be home this week because she was giving me her barstools that I want for my new house because she doesn't have anywhere for them in her new house.I told her not until Saturday. Well then I remembered that I had Monday off, too. So, I called her later and told her I'd come get them so I could see her new house.
Well, the reason she has a new house (she's renting now) is because she had to foreclose on her last house.You wouldn't believe the debt this girl carries.It took her losing her house to learn her lesson. She is finally willing to take responsibility for her behavior (in spending) and she's letting me help her. I am SO excited to be helping her. I feel like this will draw us closer together so we can be friends again. This, however, is NOT the reason I'm choosing to help her. I'm doing this because I love her and care about her. And, she's bogged down and stressed out with this debt (as I can imagine). So, I took 2 of her credit card bills and just paid them off for her. They were small piddly amounts that she couldn't pay. But, I just thought it was ridiculous that she had them adding to the stress. It was an easy thing for me to do. And, they just bought a BRAND NEW Trailblazer last summer that is just sucking every last dime. They can't even drive it because they can't afford the gas. I mean...how crazy is this? But they can't get a different car because nobody will give them a loan for a used car. I guess only for a new one because they are sure they'll repossess it and I guess they want to have something worth their while in the end.So, I talked to my husband and told her that if they are willing to try for a different car again...I would be willing to co-sign for her. But there are a couple of very strict stipulations. One...it has to be HER name and her name ONLY on the title. I absolutely WON'T do it if she puts her husband's name on it.He's a creep and they've separated twice. I don't trust him to keep up the payments if they split up again. and then I'll be the one that is screwed. And EVERY payment has to be made. If I get one call that there's a missing payment, I'm going over to take the car. Because if I'm making the payments...I'm going to be driving the car. I told her to talk to her husband to see if he'd be willing to do this. And I'm going over again on Thursday to go over some bills with her.

So ALL that to say that I am actually excited that perhaps I'll be able to make a difference in her life. I told her I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think she had learned her lesson and if I didn't love her.

As I see it, though, there is no end to her debt. I don't know how she sleeps at night. But I'm not sure she really does.

[monkeybone]

alarm bells are ringing in my head as i read this.

please proceed with caution - if you MUST proceed at all. (please don't proceed)

that's just a gut reaction. and i hope i don't offend

[Mair]

I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER do this for anyone else. The absolute ONLY reason I'm doing this now is because I KNOW she'll make the payments. If she doesn't, then I'll have myself another car. But, she will. I just want to help her SO bad.

Again, if I had any question in my mind AT ALL I would NOT even consider it.
Hopefully, she'll be able to refinance the loan before it's up and get my name off of it, but I don't see that happening.

[madd74]

I do hope this goes well for you if you choose to do it. I co-signed one time for a friend, someone who I thought I could trust. I will jstu say that $3000 worth of money is gone. Also, I have had some money loans out for others, and that $3000+ is gone. Now, I have given money out to Myles and dITZ, however Myles pays me back almost every month, and when he wants money (like so his son can bnorrow for him, vacations, holidays), he calls me up, and VERIFIES with me that it is okay to do whatever it is he does. When he gets a lot of money (bonus, taxes), he gives me extra, so Myles has earned trust in this department. He is allowed to borrow money.

I have loaned money to Jen also, however did not add her as she lives with me, pays for a lot of the times we go out (when she has cash on her), and of course, helps around the house.

Now dITZ has not been as good at paying me back, however, she does not dropped it, and at least made an arrangement with me. At this time, she has the highest loan currently out. A few other people have been loaned things, $100+ here, computer sold on faith, and I tell you...

So... just be careful, please, from someone who has been down this road before. Yeah, that one who is gone, and $3000, that was a co-sign for a credit card.

[Mair]

Well, Dave and I discussed it. When we loan money out, we say bye-bye to it. That way, if we don't get paid back, the relationship is not ruined. This is only the 2nd time I've loaned money. The first time was 2 Christmases ago to my best friend of 27 years and it was only $100 so she could buy her kids Christmas presents. I told her to pay me back when she could. She didn't ask for the money nor did she imply that she wanted money from me. She simply was venting that she was stressed as she has the right to do being that I'm her friend. She paid me back about a month after Christmas.
The fact that I may never see this money again...that is why I don't loan her thousands. Dave and I have HUGE goals that we need our money for which is why I don't give her more. If the car becomes mine, then I'll sell it and won't really be out much. They take care of their cars so I'm sure it wouldn't be trashed. I more than trust her to pay me back the amount I've given her for the credit cards...I KNOW she will. But if she doesn't, I will still love her because our relationship is not about money. I mean...she may lose her job in the next year and there's no way she can see that coming at this point. That would make it impossible for her to pay me back in the next year. Circumstances happen. Don't get me wrong...I'd be a little sour if she didn't pay me back, but I would get over it...probably pretty quickly.
I absolutely do not make it a habit of loaning out money. I suffer through a horrible job to make the money I make and as soon as I get to my goal I get to walk away from this place and never look back. If I didn't care about my cousin's well-being, I wouldn't even be doing this much. It's ridiculous that they are in the spot they are in and her husband won't go get a 2nd job. That's ludicrous. He gets off everyday at 2:30. He could work a part time job a few days a week. I know that's not the ideal life, but neither is owing the amount that they owe. Should've thought about that before they were irresponsible and bought a bunch of stuff they couldn't afford. (like a house and a HUMONGOUS car)

[madd74]

I find that fasinating that you COULD give money out, expecting to not see it anymore, and call it a loan. There are some times I have GIVEN money to people, not expecting it, however, any of those times, I realized it was not going to come back, so it was tagged as "gifts given"

[Mair]

Well I do this because I want my money back, but as I explained before...don't want the relationship ruined if I don't see it again as I know there are shady people in this world who will screw everyone they can.

[Mair]

Well, her stupid pig-headed lazy good for nothing husband decided he doesn't want to get rid of the car. So I got out of the co-signing, but they literally have NO money so it's going to get repossessed anyways. and when it does...my offer is gone.

[monkeybone]

{sigh of relief}

[Mair]

THanks for your concern. I had no issues with co-signing for her ONLY because I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that she would make the payments.
But it doesn't matter now.

[sewcute]

this is in reference to your original post.

I know JUST how you feel about having no friends etc but I don't have a church :/

[Mair]

I DO have a church (that I LOVE) but I still have no friends. That's my fault though. I am not involved much at all. Dave and I just started going to a small group that is about our age. I just always feel like an outcast because we are the ONLY ones in the class that don't have kids.

[sewcute]

at least you are DOING something!

[Mair]

Don't give me too much credit. I'm SO lazy on Sunday nights (when the class meets). We started going to this class last October and went for less than 2 months. We had quit by the first of December. They took a break for Christmas and then started up again in January, but I could never get myself to go.
So, we finally started going again last Sunday. I can't promise that we'll even go this Sunday because my husband has had a VERY hard week and he has to work until at least 11 tonight and then back up and at 'em tomorrow morning at 8 for who knows how long?
We normally go to 1st service on Sunday mornings, but he wants to sleep in so we're going to 2nd service. And that's probably all we'll do.

[sewcute]

I need to find a church.

you are doing more than I am.